Monday, 16 June 2014

Can I do this?!


Today is first unusual daily routine. Having back slab over my left lower limb, my movement is totally restricted. I have to reach every place via wheel chair. Sometimes I use the walking stick. Sometimes I just crawling around to pick things.

I feel useless!! Watching my husbang busily preparing my kids for school, had no chance to help him. He went up and down, taking this and that buta I can just watched. It hurt me inside. I can just hug my baby but I can't take her walk. So do my Faris and Husna. I can't prepare food for them. Oh...I feel useless!!

A new routine of my life. My life is just around my house. My view is juat my inside and outside house, my communication is just at the tip of my finger. I will seldomly meet people, I will just sit on my wheel chair or lying down on the sofa, killing my time. And yet, time passed so slow.

It is just day 1 of this new routine. And I feel half crazy. I don't know what to do. I read books but can't do that forever, I keep updating Shaklee statuses in my FB but it sometimes bored me, I do nothing and I begin to cry. I am going to go through all this in another 2 months?!

Crying inside, I know that I've to wake up. I've to make up my mind. What am I going to do within this period? What I am going to gain within this resting period? And I am going to pray very hard, to give me and my husband a strength to go through this. I hope my dearie husband will be patient and understanding. And I really hope that things are going smoothly under his doing. Pity him Allah. Help him Allah, you know how good he is to me. Don't let him down Ya Allah, because I need him to go through this period of sorrow strongly. Together with me.

Can I do this? I can't without You Allah. I can't.

But believe in You, I got the strength. I will go through all this with open heart and mind, calm soul, acceptance.

Help us Allah. Help us Allah.

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